2 Months Post-Op!

I’m about a week late, but I live by the “better-late-than-never” motto. I’m two months post-op for my VSG! Within the last two months I’ve had several fabulous things to report:
1. I’ve lost a total of 55lbs (woo!)
2. I’ve gone from a size 22 pant to a size 12 jean!
3. I’ve lost an entire ring size
4. I’m getting great reactions from people I don’t see very often
5. One of my spare chins has left the building
6. Most photos look “flattering” (read: I don’t hate the majority of them)
7. My feet are less puffy looking
8. I’ve been invited to join the itty-bitty-titty-committee (sigh)
9. I’m in a men’s medium shirt from a men’s 2XL!
10. Over the month of September, I’ve had pretty spectacular food and workout habits without having to put much thought into either.

Pics or it didn’t happen, right?

Let’s talk about the first one on the left. That was at one of my most favorite wedding receptions EVER. I remember seeing this picture and thinking, “WELL, THAT’S TERRIBLE. MOVING ON.” and did some weird kind of mental magic to block it out. The one on the right is from a few days ago when my hair still looked fly AF after a long, long day working a wedding. I really love the facial changes here!


Next, here’s some pant comparison-


First off- these aren’t the largest pants I’ve ever owned. These are a size 20 pair of jeans I’ve decided to keep in the hopes that one day I can take one of those pictures where I’m standing in one pant leg. #skinnygoals BUT the top pair is a SIZE FREAKING TWELVE. I called my mom after I bought them to tell her I’d squeezed my butt into a 12 and asked when was the last time I’d worn a size 12 since I couldn’t remember. Well, I couldn’t remember because I skipped straight from a size 10 to a size 14 (thanks, high school). So, today I’m wearing a size I’ve never actually worn before. That’s nuts. I don’t weigh less than I did in high school, but I’ll get there soon enough.

One thing I’m really looking forward to is trying on my wedding dress. I know it’ll be nice and roomy now, but I think I’m going to wait for our anniversary to do that. If you’ve been around for a while or follow me on IG, you know the story about me not being able to zip it up a month before the wedding. Hello- worst nightmare. Busting my butt for a solid month to squeeze back into it was SO incredibly rewarding… I can’t even imagine how I’ll feel next time I put it on.

The last thing I’ve really thought a lot about this month is how unprepared I was to have to deal with feelings and emotions– I posted about this on IG a few days ago and got several concerned messages from random internet strangers about how much I drank before surgery, if I felt like I was out of control, etc. But truthfully, dealing with happy feelings, sad feelings, anxiety, nervousness, joy– all of that is usually accompanied with some sort of food or drink. We celebrate with a terrific meal. We unwind from a long day with a glass of something good. Socially we meet for drinks. Family time is centered around meals. Now, I can’t run to food. I can’t kick back with a drink.

THREE WEDDINGS now I’ve been asked by the bride or her family to celebrate with a drink- I can’t do that. This is a major life change! I do miss drinking. I do miss eating my feelings. Now, I just have to deal with them. Staring straight at your emotions is a scary thing. There aren’t any burritos or scotch to hide behind anymore. This is something I’m relearning daily. I’m happy to recognize it, but it doesn’t make it less difficult.

If anybody needs me, I’ll be working on a sugar free slurpee that’s taken up permanent residency in the fridge.




Vacation & the sleeve

I’m finally able to eat pureed foods and soft foods. Let me tell you, it’s glorious.

Alex & I were able to take an impromptu trip to Colorado this week. We spent a few nights in Denver and our last day/night in Colorado Springs. It was so wonderful to get away. We’ve been ultra busy lately- his eye surgery, my VSG surgery, work going a mile a minute… we’ll just say, we needed it! When the mountains are callin’, ya gotta go.

The last time I was in Colorado was last October when Debi got a wild hair and a great deal on plane tickets. Here is a comparison picture from then and from this week!


Yikes. There’s that. I can’t tell you exactly how much I weigh in the left picture, but we’ll say it was at my starting weight. Between here and that picture there is a THIRTY SIX POUND DIFFERENCE! Holy moly! Just… insane. I see it a bit in my body, but mostly see it in my face. I can tell I’ve lost weight because my eyes and mouth have both gotten bigger. I forgot that happens when I lose weight.

Finding puree or soft food appropriate foods was a little tougher than I expected. Although, most restaurants sold some kind of fish and that was really great! Chick-fil-a also will make you scrambled cheesy eggs… this was a major win.

Anyway, much like all adoring mothers like to list of the things their babies love to eat, I’ll give you a list of things that don’t make me want to puke:
-refried beans
-cottage cheese

I’m still having a protein shake a day- 60 grams of protein is REALLY hard to get in when you can only eat a condiment cup size of food at once. I’m working on it! When I can, I try to add protein powder to foods. It doesn’t always happen, but at least I’m really well hydrated. I’ve got that going for me!

In other news, several of my dresses now look “frumpy”. They’re baggy and look weird in certain spots. This is a very new feeling. I’m anxious to get rid of all my clothes because trying to find a dress this weekend was extremely frustrating. I’m not going to rush out and buy a ton of new clothes yet- but I’d really love to get rid of the ones that aren’t working.

True Confessions: I did buy a size XL shirt while in Colorado and a size L shirt at the Jimmy Eat World/Incubus concert. I had to.

Last Night With A Full Stomach

Tomorrow is surgery day! I’ve been physically preparing for weeks, mentally preparing for months and hopeful that it would happen for lots longer than that.

My brain feels like it is in 1,000 different directions right now. Here is a small glimpse in:
-I’m SO sick of clear liquids
-Trader Joe’s should do peony sales more often
-I can’t forget to take my nail polish off for tomorrow
-Did I set an out of office message yet?
-Can’t forget surgical soap tonight
-How much water have I had today?
-Have I triple checked my hospital backpack?
-How am I going to get my industrial and tragus piercings back in?
-I wonder what the dogs are doing
-Did I overspend at Market?
-Why didn’t I buy that bag?
-Still tired of clear liquids
-I think it would be really fun to eat something
-When am I going to get my car fixed?
-How will it feel to wake up at 4:30 tomorrow?
-I wonder if I’ll lose any more weight  between here and tomorrow
-I wonder how many inches I’ve lost on my liquid diet

The last two days have been a whirl wind. I’ve been on clear liquids only and am REALLY feeling over it. Having soup in the full liquid stage helped me feel less blah about “food”. I’ve been living on these guys:

Honestly, they’re not the worst. However, I’ll be happy to never drink one again. They taste like melted jello. Weird and thick. They don’t taste awful and certainly don’t taste great BUT 40 grams of protein is hard to beat. I’ve only felt hungry once the last two days. That is so bizarre for me! I’m used to feeling hungry ALL the time! They certainly aren’t a joke… they’ve done a great job of doing what they’re supposed to.

Nearly two full weeks of no nicotine, caffeine or alcohol and all I really feel is that it would be nice to have those things. I don’t crave any of them. I’m ok without them. It would just be reaaaally nice to have them. I definitely don’t need any of it- just sort of miss it. I don’t intend to bring nicotine back in, but certainly don’t want alcohol to be as regular a part of my life as it was before. Drinking and overeating are a very familiar combination for me.

On that note- 20lbs down as of today! 20lbs in 2 weeks! Wild.

Several people in my support group have mentioned that their last day pre-op was a miserable one. I feel really sad for all of them! Today has been a great day! I got lots of laundry done, had a fabulous friend help finish the housecleaning, and then went to spend the day with a few of my favorite people at the Dallas World Trade Center! We walked around for hours checking out makeup, clothes, jewelry, home goods, and my VERY FAVORITE- lighting! There’s just something magic about a good light fixture.

I’m tired, have new glorious jewelry and couldn’t have hoped for a better day.

7 Days Liquid & 7 Days Left

My full liquid diet started seven days ago. I feel like I’m getting the hang of it! The most major changes have obviously been cutting out eating normal foods, no alcohol, no caffeine and no nicotine. It has been a busy, tiring and interesting week:

Day 1- Tired and underprepared. Cottage cheese late afternoon snack gave me life.
Day 2- Birthday party for a couple of friends including chips, dips, pizza, Jameson… All things that I love. It wasn’t hard to turn them down, just felt kind of out of place not being able to enjoy myself in the same way as everybody else.
Days 3 & 4- Busy and long days at work. It was difficult getting all my protein in between appointments.
Day 5- Better! It was less difficult being around everybody eating and drinking what they wanted. Getting the hang of timing my shakes right. Found some fabulous GNC shakes that taste like Starbucks drinks and satisfy all my pre-op requirements.
Day 6- Feeling great. Staying hydrated, having my protein and not feeling like I needed a 2nd snack or all of my soup.
Day 7- Bought 2 cases of the GNC shakes (treat yo self) and for the first time in a week, not having chicken and veggie soup for dinner!  Had a fabulous cup of Pho soup that meets the requirements (maybe a little sodium high, but I’ll be back to my chicken and veggies soon enough) and couldn’t have been happier with it.

I’ve been doing lots of mindful thinking. Thinking about the shakes I’m putting into my body. No, it isn’t an omelette and isn’t as fun to eat or as delicious- but it’s giving my body the exact nutrients that it needs! I’m also trying to pay better attention to when I’m not hungry anymore. I think that we’re all very used to just eating whats in front of us. Sometimes that’s ok because it’s healthy stuff in front of us. But- we need to be able to recognize when we’re done. That’s something new for me!

One week of full liquids and I’m down 15 lbs. Fifteen! Fifteen. How wild is that? I’ve got 5 more days of full liquids (shakes, cottage cheese/yogurt/jello snacks and chicken with veggie soup) and then the final two days are clear liquids only. It feels GREAT to step on the scale every morning and see it go down! I feel like this is a little taste of what post-op might feel like. I know every day I won’t lose and will probably stall after a few months, but it sure is nice seeing the scale get into numbers I haven’t seen in years. I’m now below my lowest weight from a couple of years ago when I was hitting the gym at 5:00 Monday-Friday and eating right! All it took was a medically supervised liquid fast- haha!

Last trip to the grocery store: I think on day 4 of the liquid fast I’d gone to the grocery store for more cottage cheese (story of my life) and saw some tiny cocktail spoons. One thing I’ve seen other weight loss surgery patients recommend is using these to slow down your meals! I figured, hey- why not make the tiny bit of cottage cheese you get last longer! Try these! So, I grabbed them. When I got to the register, the high school aged cashier scanned the tiny spoons. Upon putting them in the bag she said, “Awww, tiny spoons! Are you going to eat a tiny meal with the tiny spoons?”

Yes, yes I am.


Today was the day I’d been SO nervous about- my first experience with anesthesia.

Obviously everything turned out ok because I’m sitting at home and typing this blog post. No adverse reactions. No breathing tubes down my throat. Nothing! Esophagogastroduodenoscopy, or EGDs, are necessary pre-sleeve to ensure everything looks typical in your stomach. They are looking for any abnormalities like hernias or cancer. Thankfully, they found nothing- collective sigh of relief. Surgery should still be scheduled for the 20th, as planned.

In preparation for today’s test, I was required to stop all food/liquid at midnight and not use any nicotine products for 24 hours in advance. Everything was as expected until I woke up with unbelievable cotton mouth. I really, really, really love drinking water. I have a hot pink blender bottle that I use daily and refill constantly. It was SO bizarre to not wake up and chug water… you know, my normal routine.

Anyway, we arrived at the medical center at 10:00 for my 10:30 appointment. As things often do, they ran late. I think I was finally wheeled back to the OR a little past noon. Thankfully, Alex was able to wait with me until the doctor arrived and took me back! EGD Waiting Room

When they’d taken me back to the OR, they asked the same few questions again- name, birthday and what procedure I was having done. The last thing I remember was joking with them about the Z my first name and then boom, lights out. Next thing I remember was being wheeled out and asking the nurses what color I should paint the study… the study that we don’t have. Who knows what other stuff I said while I was ultra loopy. I was very sure I’d had the colors narrowed down and none of them would tell me what colors they liked best. I was irritated because I couldn’t get an opinion from them and then realized it was ME asking about colors to paint the study and that we don’t even HAVE a study! From that point, the groggy feeling wore off and it was just a waiting game to be cleared by anesthesia to leave. About 30 minutes later I was free to go!

We had a fabulous soup lunch at Panera and I came home and napped. My throat is a tiny bit sore but aside from that, I feel great. Much, much less scary than I’d anticipated. I think we always brace for the worst.

7 days until my liquid diet starts and 21 days until surgery. Not that I’m counting down or anything. 🙂

You, Me & The Sleeve

I can be a little obsessive at times (cue: audience laughter). When my brain gets stuck on something, it’s really, really difficult to move past it. The last couple of months have been filled with reading blogs about bariatric surgery, researching VSG and hours of YouTube stories about various experiences with the sleeve. Work and summer school have been taking up the majority of my time. Whatever free time I have left is split between spending time with my husband, pre-op appointments and learning as much as possibly can about the sleeve.

Recently, I’d been reading & watching blogs about spousal experiences with the sleeve and bariatric surgery. The first few bloggers terrified me. They talked about when they lost their weight, they ended up divorced or in really, really terrible marriages. Others mentioned that it had been constant disagreements and arguments since their operation. There is another blogger who said 75% of marriages end after bariatric surgery. I’m fairly certain this number is made up and there isn’t any solid data to support it. However, I’m also fairly certain that marriage won’t get easier after having the surgery. Thankfully, I’m not counting on it to be that way!

Finally, I stumbled on a few YouTubers who actually had their spouses comment on their surgeries and weight loss. I felt a massive wave of relief hit! They equated it to any other major life change. Moving, having a baby, switching careers- if the marriage is solid before, it’ll be difficult but you’ll be able to handle it. If the marriage was rocky before, work it out before and during the process and you’ll be able to handle it. If the marriage sucked before and you don’t try to work on it, it isn’t going to make it. All of this sounds like common sense- but it was an enormous relief to hear that from other people!

In a weird way, I’d been feeling like I was abandoning Alex. I was (and still am) devoting a massive amount of my free time to research and appointments. My diet is about to change in a major way. My activity habits are about to change in a major way. Our life together is about to drastically change! I am so thankful to be married to a man who supports and encourages me. However, I couldn’t help but feel like he’d be all alone to eat dinner while I was trying my best to enjoy my pre-op diet of shakes and broth.

When I talked to him about everything I’d been reading and my distraught feelings about leaving him alone to fend for himself in the food department- In my mind, I pictured some pitiful spotlight on me at one end of the room, sadly sipping on a shake while Alex sat under a separate spotlight eating lonely chicken wings. First off, we don’t own spotlights. Secondly, this is ridiculous.

He just laughed and said he’d been feeding himself for years before and had already resolved to prepare food for himself while asking for minimal help from me. Of course he was prepared! Of course he’d already thought of it! Of course he was ready to support me through this enormous change.

We talked a lot about how relationships are food-based. We call each other after work to see what’s for dinner. We make plans with friends and family around dinner or lunch. We celebrate with food. We are already making dinner plans while we’re eating breakfast that morning. The pre-op and post-op diets will be difficult, but they aren’t the end-all-be-all. Ultimately, I think we’re both excited to make these changes together!

For the time being, we’ll continue to enjoy regular meals together and once that changes, we’ll adjust accordingly. No spotlights and different foods. I’m okay with that. Also- I haven’t decided on a final meal yet. While I’m leaning towards sushi, steak seems more appropriate. Suggestions? Whatever it is, it’ll be accompanied by some sort of scotch or whisky.

Scotch is always appropriate.

Stationary Bikes & Unintentional Naps

3:15pm Drove to Ft. Worth
4:42pm Remembered that I had one job: go. to. the. bank.
4:53pm Went to withdraw money to pay for tomorrow’s appointment
/hours of time with friends who live near my doctor/
9:30pm Bed time at Casa de Shafer
12:30am Nervously having to get up to pee every 20 minutes since I laid down
12:38am Last time to look at phone and force myself to try and sleep
5:50am GO TIME! Let’s take some tests!
6:50am Out the door, off to the doctors
/testing begins and finishes around 12:00pm/

First test:
A lovely ensemble consisting of a paper vest and loin cloth were laid out for me to change into. After changing I was told to lay on my side and a nurse put a bunch of goop on my chest so she could listen/look at my heart. It was fascinating to hear all the noises! It sounded like sheet metal bending. Probably not what she heard, but I enjoyed it. Next, she had me lay flat while she looked/listened to the veins (arteries?) in my legs. The goop is cold and uncomfortable, but all in all, the test wasn’t horrible. Apparently I drifted off for a while and snored, according to the lady who had been testing me. I wouldn’t have known aside from the drool on the side of my face. I did manage to have a lovely dream about picking out a fish at PetSmart.

Second test:
Breathing, breathing and more breathing. Then breathing on a bike. Then breathing on a bike while balancing one arm on the nurse. Then breathing, peddling furiously, stabilizing on the nurse and using four fingers to grip the handle while one finger was hooked up to another monitor. I also had 10 little sticky electrode sensors stuck to me, but I was less conscious of these because, you know, balance. At first I’d been nervous about the physical test. I’d read horror stories on the internet about obese people who elect to have weight loss surgery done- their cardio tests had been intense running. No, thank you. When I heard I was just going to have to do the stationary bike, I actually laughed at the lady on the phone and told her I could ride a stationary bike for 3 days without stopping and thanked her for making me feel better.

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Prov. 16:18

One: bike seats HURT. Who wants to sit on a hockey puck and bike their hearts out for half an hour?
Two: 8-10 minutes? 8-10 minutes of hell. Max heart rate 8-10 minutes is significantly different than 8-10 minutes of casual biking.
Three: I hate stationary bikes.

Next was meeting with another doctor at the office. He answered more questions. Honestly, I don’t remember much about what he said because I was too busy thinking about how bad my posterior hurt from sitting on a glorified brick for 30 minutes.

Then off to a meeting with the dietitian, nutritionist and completing my pre-op class. This was information overload. I loved it! I finally got to find out what my pre-op and post-op diet is going to look like. I can go buy vitamins now! Soon I’ll go buy soups and stock up on all the protein my heart can stand. I like to prep, ok? I was also given a fabulous pair of leg squishers to prevent DVT post-surgery. I’m looking forward to them because I’ve never participated in the leg warmer fad. Now’s my chance! No, really. I just don’t want DVT and I’ll wear whatever goofy apparatus they want me to in order to recover the best way possible.

Several hours later, I walked over to the checkout desk. The lady at the desk looked up and said, “Ladd?”.
“You just looked like you’d been here for hours. Let’s get you out of here.”

Nailed it.

I’ll probably post more about what the dietitian & nutritionist said. I’ve really enjoyed reading others stories about what they can/can’t eat pre-op and post-op. Although they’re almost all the same, it’s interesting to see the slight variances. Hopefully y’all find it interesting too!

After I walked out the door, I felt even better about everything. I know this is the right decision. There is no doubt that this is going to be a difficult overhaul of my current life and situation, but I feel so much peace and excitement! My next test is the 29th. My liquid diet starts on the 6th. I’ve got lots to do between here and there and can’t wait to get started.